You're very simple words….

A letter to my grandma, that she'll never read, or ever see....

Don't judge me by what you see, don't think that because I do something at that moment i don't know how to do nothing else. I'm smart, strong, and independent. I know how to do things you don't know how to do either. None of us are ever done learning, but you must understand I'm not an idiot, I know how to do things an average woman knows how to do. I was raised by your daughter, your daughter who was raised by you. My mother taught me to be ready for this. I can cook, wash dishes, wash the clothes, clean the house, and fix up myself. I know the things a lady knows when she goes through puberty, when she becomes a woman. I know, I really do, but have you ever bothered to actually listen to me when I told you I can do these things? No, you haven't you go on blabbering about things you think I don't know, you treat me like I wasn't raised by a God fearing and loving woman. Maybe I should appreciate that, maybe I should be grateful, and sometimes I am. But just because I say nothing doesn't mean I don't know how to do it. I stay quiet because you won't understand my ways. You were raised somewhat unfortunately, and I pity you for that. I listen to you, because one day when I'm older I want others to listen. But that doesn't mean I don't want to learn from them either. Please, just acknowledge why I'm always on my computer at this point in my life!! Please stop treating me like I'm dumb. do u know how much stress and hardwork i put into my school? How many hours are gone? Wasted. But I stilll go at it to please my father and God and my mother. Do u think i want to be here? In this world? I just want to be done here. I don't want the struggles of the world, the temptations of the devil. I don't want to give up yet either, because that's not God's plan for me. To give up on life, its to make use of it to glorify Him. I've gone through allot in my age. Raised in a blissful peaceful life for 9 years, when everything started to go downhill. Imagine that all in a single moment everything can change. Look where I;m going now. To a foreign county, where I must adjust again to the new odd world. Imagine that girl who had not even quite the slightest understanding of suffering and death. And now all she can look forward to is the day when she final goes home. When I really do go home. And yet you think I don't understand anything, do you know how that makes me feel? Pieces of my hard life come back together, and I slowly break down inside. And yet I can't explain it to you, because you won't understand why me and my father do. Because my father and I have been there for each other, not you, not my uncles. My father and I understood this more. Maybe not me at the time, but he was more understanding. He would listen. He would listen to me. And yet you go on about everything not knowing how deeply your simple words hurt me. Your very simple words. I can't ever explain all these feelings to you because you weren't there to raise me since I was born, you weren't there when I was slowly dying inside. My mother was, but where's she now? She's in paradise. And I'm happy for her. That doesn't mean I wish that she was still here with me. She understood me more than anyone on this world. She understood, not you, you didn't understand. Why do you think I read books, watch movies? Because there life is easier to solve than mine, I don't want this life, I never have. But I wouldn't change it either. So please, understand that my life hasn't been easy either. Just hear me out, I know I'm always on my devices. But you must understand. the stress I'm put under because of my schooling. Its hard, even our language barriers. Sometimes I wonder after all these years, why haven't you tried to even learn english, now that you so much money. You can still learn, you can. But for now, I'll try to listen to you. But just know that these are the thoughts in my head when you tell me that I don't know how to do anything else other than computer or what not. Because I do. And I hope you learn that when I speak to you, don't block out my words.  I listen to yours, and I do not ignore them. So please listen to mine. ~Niah∞Pe