Marriage

I know that finding your partner in life is important. And that people can't wait to get married. But I never want to get married. Now, if you think that you certainly want to get married, do not read this. I for one, am freaking scared of marriage and what comes after. I don't mind getting married, I just don't want to have children, or have sex. Sex is supposed to be normal, but for me that just terrifies me. I told my parents one day about a dream I had, I said it was a nightmare. I had 3 children, and was married. My parents thought I was nutters. Sometimes I wish I wasn't born. Because I know how I was created in the world I live in, just freaks me out. I hate that men have an urge to have sex, they me be your perfect man. And they may wait till marriage, but I don't want it ever. I know when I was little, we would talk about having children. But its all to much to take in. I also have a great fear of pregnant people. Its scary. I can't look at a person who's pregnant. I just start to pity them, and look grossed out. Its very rude, and I don't suggest you do the same. This is my problem. And no one will ever understand. They keep saying, I'll change. I will not change. You can not make me change my thoughts of the ewness of sex. So what? I take my clothes off, and start doing some weird stuff??? Ew. Heck no. I can't believe that people even take this matter lightly!!! The fact that I'm terrified of it, and that other people don't treat the way God made us right. Is very wrong. The bible says that when you have sex, you bind yourself to that person, and become one. WHO. TAKES. THAT. LIGHTLY? Freaking creeps is all Imma say. I'm sorry, but I just don't think we should take this matter lightly. So when I read Divergent, and she said she was afraid of intimacy, I enjoyed having someone to agree with. But she has sex with him anyway? Gurl. Control thy self. Honestly, I would like to join Artemis. A group full of girls, who have no interest in guys. I mean I might at some point break off the vow...I just know that this isn't my choice. Its God's, even though its so freaking scary, I have to trust God. These are just my own thoughts about it. But in the end, God is the only person who can decide everything. So..yeahhh. That's all...Bye cupcakes..

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